Bar Code

So I was reading an article the other day on the interwebs about what if each US state was a person in a bar; hilarious reading btw. Well, of course it got me thinking about what if each neighborhood in Raleigh was a person in bar. Sorry not sorry if I offend anyone.

North Hills/Midtown: Divorcee cougar who loves beach music on Thursdays. She can camp out on the patio all day with her girlfriends at Vivace, splitting a small Caesar salad, a Margarita pizza, and bottomless mimosas. Afterwards, stumbles into Target with her ex-husband’s money to buy bottled water and chardonnay.

Fayetteville St.: She only drinks what it on special. Fireball and Jagerbomb heavy. First real job money, most likely in a cubicle. She spent the last four hours getting ready and trying on thousands outfits to go out downtown and dance; probable tinder meetup.

Hillsborough St.: Most likely using dad’s credit card, in short shorts, croakies, and a visor. He travels in a pack and they only drink PBR, Bud Light, and Natty Boh with the occasional pickle back, brah. Still in college and hasn’t learned how to drink in moderation.

Oakwood/Mordecai/Person:  Hargett St.’s little bro is reading or blogging at the bar. Has new tattoos, an abundance of facial hair including a handlebar mustache.  A lover of craft cocktails, he always carries a man purse and loves to talk about his alt-country band. Vegan when convenient, but not after midnight.

Downtown Raleigh/Hargett: Loves IPA’s but drinks PBR because it’s cheap and trendy. Grabs a coffee every day at Morning Times in his skinny jeans, flannel, and trucker hat.  An artist and musician, but employed in the service industry.

OTB: Married couple with 2.5 kids. Only leaves the suburbs every 6 months to party with old friends in order to relive younger times. They try to visit Raleigh Beer Garden and The Ale House on Glenwood because they are shiny and new but have to be home by midnight to relieve the babysitter.

Five Points: A UNC Chapel Hill grad, she only hangs out with sorority sisters and people she grew up with. Her boyfriend is in boat shoes and Vineyard Vines while she’s always wearing a Lily Pulitzer sundress. Bud Light/Budweiser anyone? No outsiders allowed. BMW’s in the parking lot.

Cameron Village: Young couple drinking craft beer at Tupelo Honey while taking up two parking spots in their Land Rover with a sticker that says their son is an honor student at Daniels Middle School on the bumper. Has a sitter on speed dial. Never ventures OTB.

Glenwood South: Twins who love standing in lines and taking selfies. Shots shots shots constantly flowing. He’s drinking Heineken and listening to loud bass music and she knows the DJ. He’s always with his bro’s and she’s always white girl wasted. They leave JOCO once a month for the bright lights of the big city.

The Well Red Chef strikes again! Cheers foodies!



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